Saturday, July 30, 2005

I am going the distance

Warning: If you have a weak stomach, you should not read this post. I am
going the distance; I am going to try to set a record (or at least personal
best) for the grossest blog post ever.

So Monday night I was eating a few leftovers that were in the frig. I ate
about two tablespoons worth of cookie dough, one medium sized tomato, and
one chicken breast from the period of 6:00 pm to around 8:00 pm, as I was
surfing the Internet.

At 2:00 am Tuesday morning, I was awoken by a funny feeling in my stomach. I
lay there for about 5 seconds, and then the sudden realization came upon me
that I was going to vomit. I got up and quickly ran to the toilet where I
proceeded to forcefully expel the contents of my stomach from my body. This
task was so painful and exhausting that tears were streaming from my eyes
and I was covered in a thin layer of sweat. I thought the worst part was
over, I was wrong.

As I was lying in my bed after the above ordeal, I felt what was left in my
stomach make its way into my small intestine. From that point I could feel
the affliction methodically crawl its way though my entire abdomen as it
working its way toward the only exit my body would allow.

Around 3:30 am Tuesday morning, I realized that I had to take a crap, I got
up and quickly ran to the toilet where I proceeded to expel the contents of
my bowels from my body. Keep in mind that this was not explosive diarrhea,
rather the entire contents of my bowels had been liquefied and it was
pouring out. Gravity was really doing most of the work. It was flowing as
free as the blood of infidels, as the Arabs would say. I had one of these
experiences about every two hours for the next twelve hours. There were
several "mercy flushes", where you cannot stand the smell of your own crap,
so you have to give yourself mercy by flushing.

During the day of Tuesday, I ran fever and slept most of the day. I finally
got up the strength to get on the web and go to web MD where I learned that
if symptoms persist for more than 24 hours, I should go to a doctor. As of
Tuesday night, I felt much better, but was still tired. Due to me drinking
large amounts of water, I had avoided dehydration, though I still felt week.
I slept in on Wednesday and only went to work half a day (I am in the finial
stages of a major project.)

As sandcastle explained, "The addition of vomiting really sucks because you
never know which end you should point towards the bowl."


No comments: