Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Applying for my CCW

In the state of TN the steps to receive a CCW are long , complicated, and require acts of submission. First you must go take a handgun safety class, where you must choose to be an dark assassin or a shining knight. This tutoring in the warfare arts cost 75 or more American dollars . You must train with your eyes covered using only your most basic instincts to shoot things or train using the magical powers provided by you fair lady (Candace, ahh Candace). I choose to be a knight of light.

The second step in my quest is actually visiting the lair of the bureaucratic beast we like to call the "TN department of safety", there you must present your sacrificial offering. This particular beast likes 115 American dollars and even gives you helpful advice and a receipt. I was on the second stage of my quest for the CCW, and I started today at 1 pm.

I arrived at the lair of the beast. According to the beast there are only three available places to contact the beast to apply for my handgun permit (Which I can assure you, all of them are busy and all of them will require riding long distances, which seems unsafe to me). I had a hard time finding a place to park my steed, which was a omen of my fate. I walked in and there was a line almost out the belly of the beast. Then I spotted a smaller line. At this point I had to make a decision. Get in the longer line, which I felt would get me where I needed to go, or get in the smaller line. The smaller line lead to an helpful witch (an old lady who knew the inner workings of the beast.)

I choose the smaller line, and waited. Once I entered the throne room of the witch, I recited the tales of my ancestors and of my good name. Then told her tales of my deeds and the quest I was on. She gave me the requested form to fill out (and my quest journal was updated), and told me to go to the longer line. I stood strong under the glaring eye of the short, sitting witch and asked for more information. Why is the line long and why is it not moving further into the beast?. She said the beast's brains were dead (computer system was down) and there were not enough elves (consistent understaffing). Empowered with this information I waded into the fray. While I was waiting, I scribed my application documents. Alas I had an appointment at 3:30 pm and it was nearly 2:40. It would take me awhile to get to my next appointment, and the line had only moved a woman's stone throw into the beast. I did not have time to wait, so I had to go.

I went to my 3:30 appointment and they were running ahead of time. I got out early, and was able to go back and stand in line at a closer beast which I had found after the runes exposed the location (I looked it up on the internet, and found a closer one).

I got in and got out of the second smaller beast in as much time as I had spent at the first one. The one important thing I leaned was that when you go to receive the mark of the beast (when you get finger printed like a common criminal), you will need to bring the documents inscribed by the gunsmiths (handgun safety course certificate of completion).

My appointment for the mark is on the twentieth day of December at 11:50 in the two thousandth and fourth year of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.

May god and my king watch over this faithful knight.


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