Monday, May 02, 2005

Despite misleading name, Minutemen last entire month

During a time when much of America's attention has been shifted elsewhere, the Minutemen have been drawing news teams to a potentially serious threat against homeland security in the Southwest. While headlines have been focused on American military action overseas and possible nuclear proliferation in the "Axis of Evil", the Minutemen have been patrolling a stretch of the unprotected US-Mexican border. They claim to have aided in preventing up to 335 illegal immigrants from crossing into the country. It is theorized that terrorists could also use this crossing, possibly assisted by the same drug lords that keep you supplied with all of that precious nose candy. But some locals say that preventing illegals from crossing was only the most publicized benefit of the Minutemen.

"The thing I am most thankful for is them scaring off the damn goatsuckers," reports a local cattle rancher. He reports that during the month long patrol he only lost three bulls to Chupacabra attacks, versus an average of six in each of the preceding months. Other residents reported "feeling safer", noting that they no longer fear sending a six year old child alone to the liquor store at night when they are too inebriated to go themselves.

"This is a problem the government has been ignoring for far too long," said one local mayor, speaking on the condition of anonymity. "All of the efforts to fight the Chupacabra are funded by city taxes. We don't see one penny from Washington. They are bleeding us all dry, not only the livestock."

Residents are waiting to see what lies ahead when the volunteers leave. They urge anyone that cares to write letters to their local papers in order to bring this problem into the light.

1 comment:

- Max said...

The Minutemen just want an excuse to fondle their "guns" Red necks..... hahaha

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