Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Furry creatures that don't like Phish
Following the Barbie blog is another installment of our monster invasions. This time we are looking at one of the more unpredictable and violent villains, the werewolf. They have superhuman strength, superhuman smell (both the ability and the odor), sharp teeth and claws, a communicable disease you haven't picked up at your local bar, an invulnerability to almost anything except silver bullets, and virtually no need for clothing. They are hard to detect and track because they change forms. Most of the time they are normal people like you and me, their savage sides only coming out when triggered by something like a full moon. Therefore they are almost impossible to find unless caught in the act. Although movie heroes usually make use of detective work to narrow down the suspects, their ability to spread their condition to their victims makes this unlikely. New werewolves could pop up after each attack. None of these new werewolves would even be aware of their condition. Most people mistake it for puberty. Even if the werewolves could be positively identified, it would be hard to convince outside authorities that you were ridding your town of a curse rather than emulating the Son of Sam. They are not dead to begin with like zombies, and they don't conveniently disintegrate like vampires. So you are looking at a best case scenario where you save the world but spend the rest of your life as a fugitive. The worst case scenario is that you kill the werewolf, discover it was your best friend, get convicted of murder, and spend the rest of your life as a maximum security prison bitch. My advice, at the first sign of werewolf activity you should leave the state. And if your state is Delaware, maybe two or three states.